Have You Ever Heard "A Conversation" Inside Your Mind?
If you have, or think you haven’t, take the next minute to listen within. You might just hear an inner dialogue sounding like this: An INNER CONVERSATION: While reading this website.
Self-Parenting describes the way your Inner Parent (IP) "parents" your Inner Child (IC) inside your Inner Conversations. S/P says that by default (to use a computer term), your Inner Parent treats your Inner Child in the same style as you were parented by your outer parents (or their equivalents).
If your outer parents did a great job, then you are the beneficiary. If your parents did a “bad” job, then this is why you would want to become a more positive IP. When you begin using the Self-Parenting exercises to listen carefully, you will hear your IP treating your IC the same way your parent’s parented you.
“Psychological problems” are many times just negative Self-Parenting. If your outer parenting was dysfunctional then you were never been taught how “normal” parenting works. How can you learn to solve the problems of a bad S/P Style when self-doubt and self-sabotage are part of your S/P style?
How Do You Solve S/P problems?
When you spend 30 aware minutes with your Inner Child each day first thing after waking up, it doesn’t take long (3-6 weeks) for even the most difficult IC to respond positively. Once your IC becomes positive you will typically find that your next stage of growth, (what I call “climbing the mountain”) will be more of the IP’s issue. The reason that things go wrong in your life is typically due to your Inner Parent, not the Inner Child.
So, What Exactly Is Self-Parenting?
“Self-Parenting” defines the qualitative structure and function of your mind as an ongoing inner conversation between two voices:
Your version of Self-Parenting is a unique S/P style based on the type and quality of outer parenting you experienced growing up.
Your INNER PARENT voice began with the combined experience (or lack thereof) of your outer parents, or equivalents. As you’ve grown and become your own person, your Inner Parent is now who most people consider "YOU" to be. The IP is also called “the ego” in psychology and this an equivalent comparison.
Your INNER CHILD voice is who you were as a child, even though now you are an adult. Your IC voice never goes away, although it can be suppressed or ignored by an IP. The way you reacted to your outer parents as a child, is the way your IC reacts to you today.
Because your parents couldn’t be perfect, as adults you often start to abuse/ignore your IC to different degrees without even realizing. If your outer parenting was remarkably abusive or neglectful then you already know how tough it is inside your head.
What’s the good news? Conscious daily S/P exercises can repair any broken or busted S/P style, assuming the Inner Parent takes the necessary Ten Steps to achieve this result.
If you are completely new to S/P, you will experience an excellent and enjoyable introduction in Part III of the "yellow book" in the easiest way possible by following these guidelines. If you make “understanding yourself” a priority in life, you’ll find conscious S/P sessions to bring you major benefits far beyond what you might currently realize now reading these pages. Welcome.